Malfoy Madness Vol6
by Librarybeauty
Summary: In the sixth volume...Hermione throws Max a birthday party,Lucius gets a cold and Hermione has a baby shower. She also meets Draco's grandmother. Rated M ONESHOT HGDM. R


Author's note: This is the sixth in the series…I have to say It's actually exciting

Author's note: This is the sixth in the series…I have to say It's actually exciting. I can't believe I've already wrote six of these…time flies when your writing. That's another thing about me. I sometimes get a brainfart and write like crazy and then I don't even check to see if it's okay and I submit it…sorry people. I'm one of those lunatic writers.

Really I'm horrible…please forgive me.

Disclaimer: Okay, I think you'd know if I was J.K. Rowling…because I'm an amateur at writing.

Rating: M for Malfoy…jk I mean mature.

Special thanks: **avchocoholic**, thanks for the wonderful review and I'm glad you enjoy reading them as much as I enjoy writing them. **Bbycaks01**, thanks for reviewing almost all my stories and I'm glad you enjoy them. You're a real sweetheart. **Twitchy the squirrel**, I don't think I'm amazing but I think you're amazing for reviewing and reading my stories. Thanks again sweetie. **Cosmopolitan**, I love it! No, I don't think you are annoying I think you are being honest and true. I love people like that and in fact I want Max in the story to be like that. About Brooklyn as a name, I forgot about the Beckhams or Buckinghams or whatever there damn names are (lol) doing that. I don't like that souvenir thingy either…so I hope this chapter takes care of that. Thanks again for the review; you are really a great person for giving me your opinion. Keep it up, thanks again. **Spikeecat**, I'm glad you enjoy them; it's really a great honor to have people review and especially when someone actually likes my story. I have thought about a multi-page series…but I have more fun making one-shots. It's also a little too late to convert all those of the volumes into one…because I'm lazy. 0)

**This one-shot is for the reviewers. **

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"Did you give me this big book of Black's history to make me feel even more out of place?" Hermione says sarcastically at Narcissa.

The Emerald green leather bound book, held the history and many, many different names from the Black Family's past. Narcissa stares, "You are really bitchy in the morning."

Hermione sips her iced coffee and yawns. She looks sleepy and rather pissed that her mother in law woke her up for some name searching.

"Like I'm saying Mione, Brooklyn is cute…but so is Peggy or Gertrude…but then again they aren't appropriate for a Malfoy." Narcissa says and then snaps her fingers, so Hermione's attention is drawn back up at her again. She was nearly falling asleep.

"Look Narcissa…I know you want this baby to have a good name but I think I have it covered." Hermione is nearly pleading with Narcissa to allow her to go back to bed.

"No…You know what happens when a mother thinks she has it covered, they end up naming their child Narcissa." A flick of her wand makes the book fly open and slides directly under Hermione's sleeping head.

Hermione moves her head up and looks down at the book and smiles sarcastically, "What about Sirius?"

Narcissa stares at her with a look that suggests she better not.

"Okay…why don't you like your name?" Hermione decided to bring up conversation while sleepily looking through the ancient pages.

"Because, my mother blessed my sisters with great names and you know what she named me after…a person that died staring at themselves in a mirror, a conceited person."

Hermione starts laughing, "Isn't that kind of honest…?"

Narcissa looks at her, a death glare.

"I…I mean when you were little you had dolls that all resembled you and also you look at yourself in the mirror for a very long periods of time."

Narcissa scoffs, "Well…" she thinks for a second. She doesn't deny it. "Still though, I hated my name."

Hermione turned a page, "How about…Gwendolyn?"

Narcissa shakes her head, "If that's my distant cousin twice removed, no…she was a real class act. A real harlot."

Hermione turns the page, "No to Gwendolyn then."

Narcissa smiles, "How about Adeline?"

Hermione has a disgusted face, "Not that it isn't pretty, but it sounds like it belongs to a farm girl."

Narcissa blinks, "I named my first doll that…it is not a farm name."

Hermione turns a page, "Sorry…you want nice Hermione wake me up in another hour."

Narcissa rolls her eyes, "I swear…" Then goes back to the book, "How about Wilhelmina?"

"Sounds like a disease."

Narcissa looks at her, "Fine go back to sleep!"

Hermione sits up straight, "No I think ill look for names."

"But you pleaded with me to want to go to bed and now you don't?" she is starting to think Hermione is impossible.

"Get over it…I'm looking for names."

"Fine then! Look for names! Just don't be bitchy about it." She adds and sits with a huff. Narcissa was now angry, and sits looking through a book with a creased forehead.

There's a few minutes of awkward silence, while Narcissa fumes and Hermione turns pages. Hermione finally gives up and smiles, "sorry about me being a bitch."

Narcissa doesn't say anything back really, even though there's a small smile among her face, "Hermione, just turn the bloody pages and keep your mouth shut."

Hermione knows this is Narcissa's way of saying she accepts her apology and goes back to looking at names, "Hey what about, Scarlet?"

Narcissa looks up, "Seriously Hermione, Scarlet?"

Now that she hears someone else say the name…it does sound a bit weird for a baby, "Alright…it's stupid."

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"I'm not that sick." Lucius says to his wife, with a very stuffed up nose.

Hermione is giggling in a corner, because the way he said it sounded more like 'ib mop tap pick.' Narcissa shakes her head, "you sound horrible…"

Draco sits looking over documents, "I can finish these, you can go back to sleep."

Lucius answers, "Id help but…"

Hermione cracks up laughing because the way he said it, sounded like 'id tap that'd"

Narcissa looks at her, "Are you having a mental breakdown?"

Hermione shakes her head but can't stop laughing, "I'm fine…really…I'm fine!"

Narcissa waits for her to stop laughing and continues, "Lucius go get some rest and ill have the kitchen bring you up some soup."

Lucius goes to leave the library and says, "Okay, good night."

Hermione nearly falls over because his stuffed nose once again made his words sound different and more like 'obey bog bine', "night." She cracks up laughing again.

Draco shakes his head, "What is your problem?"

She looks up still laughing, "The way he said…oh never mind."

Narcissa mumbles, "One minute she is pissed and the next she is happy."

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Later that week at Max's birthday party…

The manor was full of different kids, running around with a sugar buzz. Mothers talked with Hermione and over looked the children playing. The men had either not come with their wives…or made up excuses. Which the ladies didn't protest.

**-Gifts…**

If it wasn't obvious that Max was spoiled, it was obvious now. He had so many presents and Hermione was wondering if she would ever finish the long process of opening presents.

"This one max….open this one." She hands it to her son.

Max grabs it and nearly rips off the wrapping, another toy that makes repetitive noises and sings…oh the joy of being a five-year old's mother.

**- Cake…**

"Max you have to eat this piece of cake before you get another." Hermione tells her chocolate and strawberry covered son.

He ignores her and lifts up his little frog-hoodie Hermione's mother bought him over his head and says, "I'm not Max me a frog…froggies go ribbitz ribbitz…"

Hermione love it, he looked so cute in the green hoodie with eyes at the top…she gave him another piece anyway. "You promise you'll eat it?"

He smiles his chocolate filled and covered mouth and giggled, "Froggie promise!"

-**pool…**

Hermione is talking to other mothers while their children are in the large pool. It was almost a jungle and it went great with Max's animal theme birthday.

Pansy sat laughing as her daughter actually bonded with other girl's at the party…finally her daughter fit in with her friends.

Ginny asks, "Where is Max?"

Hermione freaks for a second, and then she sees her son on top of the waterfall in his green swimming trunks and goggles. He beats his chest like a monkey and jumps in, "Me King Kong!" After there's a big splash from his cannonball, there's a small applause from the group of toddler boys.

Hermione laughs, "That's my son!"

-**winding down…**

Ginny, Hermione and Pansy stood in the foyay after most of the kids and their mother's had gone home.

Max's hair was still wet and curly he had put his frog hoodie over his wet swim trunks and walked around the manor barefoot. He and Albus come running around the corner laughing. Chasing each other with his new laser tag guns and making sounds.

"Boom! BOOM! PUSHHHCKLIPBOOM!" He says starting to run up the marble, spiral staircase to the second floor.

Albus follows him and almost slips with his wet feet and the marble floor, he however caught the stair case and began to run again and after Max, "Ill gets you frog."

There's excited laughter and giggles from the two. A pink polka dotted bathing suit comes chasing after them, Daisy with her black hair put up in braids and pink beads. Her milky brown skin glistening from the water she just escaped she looks like the spitting image of her dad Blaise "Wait! I'm the princess!"

Hermione yells, "No running in the house!"

The kids don't even hear her and keep running down the hall of the second floor.

Ginny yawns, "Well that should tire them out for tonight."

Pansy nods, "I can't wait for you to have the girl…so Daisy has someone to play with."

Hermione nods, "I can't wait to be able to buy girly things…plus a house full of testosterone gets very annoying sometimes."

The kids come running down the stairs again, Max holding a shoe that belongs to Hermione. "Come on…we can give it to the dog!"

Albus laughs evilly, "And fill it with cheese!"

The three mums stand there a bit weirded out.

Daisy follows, "Wait! That's your mummy's shoe…It's Jimmy Choo! My mummy says those are very nice shoes! She has some! Waits! Alby and Maxy wait!" Of course Pansy would know this, since Pansy is like the fashion queen of both worlds.

Ginny and Pansy crack up laughing at Hermione's pale face.

"What's wrong?" Ginny asks.

"I thought the dogs were doing it all along." She says a bit worried.

Pansy can't believe Hermione isn't having a fit over a pair of her prized possessions, "Aren't you going to do something?"

Hermione thinks for a second, "No…..those are last seasons. Plus Ill just tell Draco I need another pair because Max ruined those."

Ginny rolls her eyes, "you have all the books in the world so now you need all the shoes in the world?"

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Marline sat in the middle of Hermione's closet eating some brownies she got from the huge kitchen and looks at the thousands of pairs of shoes. "You have a problem…with books and shoes."

Hermione comes out in a frilly red and black polka-dotted dress, her hair in a ribbon headband. "I look like a fat-bow-peep. I bought this maternity dress for the shower and I look like a huge Betty Crocker!"

Marline leans over laughing. Hermione throws a ballerina slipper at her.

Marline looks up and grabbed the diamond covered slipper, "Why the hell do you have diamond covered ballerina slippers?"

Hermione shrugs and looks at her thousands of shoes, "I don't know Narcissa bought them in Russia for me…I keep them…they are really cute. However I never wear them."

Marline looks up, "You know what scares me about you?"

Hermione turns around with some red flats and puts them on. "What?"

"You are the most unmaterialistic person I know….except when it comes to shoes."

Hermione finally gets annoyed, "Why do people keep reminding me of that? Yes I have a shoe addiction and yes I am addicted to books….it doesn't mean I'm a spoiled brat or something. I just like shoes. God damnit I love a good shoe! Just fucking bloody shoes! "

"Just shoes…okay I get it." Marline says a bit frightened from Hermione's in-hormonal balance. She must remember not to piss Hermione off. Usually Hermione would just ignore it and drop it but lately she has been snappy.

Hermione huffs and sits next to her sister, "So what are you wearing to my baby shower?"

Marline looks at her and looks down at her outfit, "What I'm wearing."

Hermione rolls her eyes and shakes her head, "Usually I wouldn't care but…Draco's grandmother is coming and…"

"No…you are not changing my outfit! Hermione…no. no no no no no no I am fine!"

Hermione gets up and walks to her closet and disappears for a few minutes and then comes back with a baby, blue maternity gown. "This was from when I was three months along….it should fit you fine."

Marline shakes her head, "No Mione, I'm fine."

"Please! It's a formal tea gathering and his grandmother is very, and I mean VERY judicial. Now you are wearing that dress!" she says it like a demanding mother.

Marline stares at her afraid to disobey, "Fine…whatever!" She grabs the silk dress and walks towards the bathroom.

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Lucius was napping and recovering from his cold quite well.

Max who was dressed up in a nice pair of dress robes, didn't look to happy. He walks into the study and sees his grandfather breathing through his mouth. Apparently the stuffed nose hadn't gone away fully yet. Max had a great idea…

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Hermione's mother hugged her tight and whispers, "You had to invite the whore?"

Hermione smiles and let's go, "I didn't mean to…she overheard me and dad chatting and invited herself."

"Oh, just great…so the whole family really is here…" Her mother said with the sarcastic tone, she apparently passed onto Hermione.

Elle walks up and hugs Hermione, "You look so beautiful…" Her Barbie smile fades when she sees Emily, it's actually quite scary. "Oh hello…Emily."

Emily looks at her with disgust, "Hello…Elk."

"My names Elle."

"Right." Emily says without a care. "Whatever Richard wants it to be right?"

Hermione goes in-between them, "Umm…so mum…ugh have you talked to Narcissa?"

Narcissa walks up and notices the tension; she however is on Emily's side. "Emily…lets take a tour."

Emily nods and follows her. Elle watches her leave and then a smile is plastered again, "well you look cute Mione."

"Thanks…"

"Where is Max?"

"Ugh, with his grandfather…Lucius. Max went to check up on him a while back." She smiles and nervously looks at the clock waiting for Elizabeth to show. She was after all Draco's grandmother.

"Well ill be around, I have to go great other guests," Hermione excuses herself and walks into the foyay; she passes the library where Marline and T.J. are talking. She stops and listens in…

"Like I said TJ…this baby will be ours but you will get visitation citation agreements and be at all the program and intellectual meetings in our offspring's lives."

TJ replied, "You look surprisingly radiant in that dress, your expressional involvement in your cerebellum led you to propose to such a positive and understanding outfit."

Hermione wished they were robots but sadly her sister and her about-to-be ex brother in law really did talk like this. If they only knew how much they deserved each other.

"Thomas, I appreciate your civil and indisputable qualities of imposing that I'm artificially congruent with today's how do you say 'hippness?' but I still think we should stay separated and raise the offspring in two different cultures and environments." She says tapping his leg.

Draco nearly scares the shit out of his wife when he whispers, "Makes you wonder, how awkward the sex was…doesn't it? Or in any case, how people like them reproduce."

Hermione jumps and then looks behind her; she whispers, "You scared me."

He replies with a smirk and a bit of enjoinment at the couple inside the library, "I've been watching them for the past five minutes….are you sure they aren't aliens or something?"

Hermione whispers back, "Draco you only say aliens because I told you what muggles think aliens are…now you think every weird person is an alien."

Inside they here the rest of the conversation Marline smiles, "However Thomas I do hope after the baby is delivered, that I can have your reproductive sperm for another child. You know a sibling for this baby."

Hermione and Draco left after that….it was getting entirely too weird.

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Hermione found Lucius asleep with two straws in his nasal passages, Draco cracks up laughing but quickly straightens up, "Hey, dad…"

Lucius stares awake, "Whab?"

Hermione is giggling and decides just to ask him a question which is hard for her to do because he looks like a walrus in a weird way, "Lucius…" she cant stop laughing. "When's your mother arriving?"

He just thinks that she is laughing because of his stuffed nose like the other day, "seriouslyb Hermioneb! Getb a holdb of yourself…everybodyb gets a cold!"

Hermione can't stop laughing. "I..I…" she keeps laughing.

Draco raises his eyebrows, "So…when is grandmother coming?"

"Sheb saib shb be hereb around twelvb." He says looking at his daughter in law biting her lip.

Max comes running into the room, "Mummy, mummy Great grand mummy is here!"

Elizabeth Malfoy follows her great grandson into the room and smiles at Hermione, "Hello dear."

Hermione stops laughing quick and nearly stops breathing, "H-hi Mrs. Malfoy."

"Please dear, call me Elizabeth…you are after all one of us now. Even though your blood is lacking…I guess I better change with the times. You are after all a very pretty mudblood." She hugs her and then turns to look at her son, "What the bloody hell is in your nose?"

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Author's note: More to come. That is it for right now. R&R and thanks again for reading.

Next volume: Find out what happens with Elizabeth, Elle and Narcissa get into an argument, Hermione decorates the nursery, and Max starts pre-school.


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